What words, in our over- and hyper-communicated world, are actually worth writing?
There are cycles of creativity that motivate a writer to write just to get the inspirations out of our hearts and minds and into the world.
And there is an Internal Saboteur that thwarts our creativity with the question: What IS the Point?!
In an effort to reconcile this felt conflict, I share a recent inspiration. Yesterday, at the 16th monthly Women & Spirit in Business gathering in Hadley, Massachusetts, I experienced such a deep resonance with the dozen of us there that my Inner Saboteur, who has thwarted my queue of posts to be published, was herself overruled.
We were all sharing our aspirations for 2012. The first round of check-ins was about “what” we aspired to – the desires of our highest self. It was rich and important and the profundity in the act of simply speaking our true desires was echoed by many. Then we dug deeper into the “how”. How do we stay attuned and able to see the doors that open. Again, a very worthy, valuable, meaning-filled experience. [contact me for an introductory coaching session if you want to explore this for yourself]
Leaving this gathering I knew that supporting the connection to self is the single most important thing I can do in the world, and whatever I write–if it supports that connection–will be worthy.
How then, do we know what words, in our over- and hyper-communicated world, are actually worth reading? Isn’t this the question we ask ourselves each time we go on line to “surf” and research and connect with friends and and promote our businesses “explore” the world wide web?
The number of self-published books has exploded over the past couple of years; from 21,936 in 2006 to 764,448 in 2009 (compared to a flat-trending 288,355 traditionally published books in the US). The number of blogs (some posting daily) was 152 Million in 2010… But what is actually getting read? Are we all just a bunch of naked people in trench coats looking for good opportunities to flash each other? And it seems we are getting less and less picky about who we flash to!
On the other hand, maybe we are all evolving so beautifully that we are simply improving our connection to the universal energy field that Lynn McTaggart has spent decades investigating and journaling about, and subsequently write in order to “hold on” to that connection. This connection is true love and feels so good! Yet it still eludes us due to our habit of absorbing negativity (which takes less effort) versus intentionally attuning our energy to positive thought, feeling, visualization and physical embodiment.
I feel negativity seep in when my Inner Saboteur gets overwhelmed by the cacophony of content online. I ask myself, “how much of what is tweeted about is actually new content?” In my quest to compare the seemingly exponential factor between recirculated (and regurgitated) content and actual new content I relaxed, took a deep breath, and realized:
“Karen, this frenetic pace of communication reflects our heightened awareness of interconnection. When we stay ‘in the body’ we are able to separate the wheat from the chaff [or the worthy from the crap!]. Don’t worry about the cacophony online, just continue the inward journey so that you can create and share the resonant material and leave the rest. As we all do this, the buzz will eventually return to a harmonious hum.”
Based on energy felt in the Women & Spirit in Business gatherings and the ongoing inspirations I receive from my energy coach at Heal My Voice, I suggest we all take just a few moments to reKindle (pun intended) our connection to the body through the breath–and closed eyes make this much easier–as we set about the important work of writing and “exploring” the profligate words on the world wide web.
Wisdom and spirit of the Universe!
Thou soul is the eternity of thought!
That giv’st to forms and images a breath
And everlasting motion! Not in vain
By day or star-light thus from by first dawn
Of childhood didst thou intertwine for me
The passions that build up our human soul,
Not with the mean and vulgar works of man,
But with high objects, with enduring things,
With life and nature, purifying thus
The elements of feeling and of thought,
And sanctifying, by such discipline
Both pain and fear, until we recognize
A grandeur in the beatings of the heart.
~ William Wordsworth
It is around 3am on Christmas day. I woke a little while ago filled with regret that I didn’t take the opportunity to say grace at dinner yesterday when Uncle Manny noticed we hadn’t said grace. My husband Paul has long been the keeper of this tradition and since most of the 30-ish of us had already started eating decided to say grace to himself.
I had the urge to say grace but repressed the urge.
Realizing that it is never too late to say grace and to give thanks, I would like to share what has come to my heart. What I would have liked to have said yesterday with my husband’s family.
The first image that came to mind was Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) of Talladega Nights speaking to Baby Jesus.
“Lord Jesus, Mother Mary, and all the angels and saints in heaven and gathered here among us at this table, thank you for this moment. For this opportunity to come together around this table as a large, happy and growing family to celebrate our Lord’s birth and the love and light you have brought into our lives.
Thank you for the delicious food which we are so blessed to be enjoying tonight, for the many talented hands that have brought it to our table. Thank you for the love that we share, for the rich heritage and the many memories we have shared together for years of Christmas Eve’s, and for the knowledge that this love, this hope and faith and compassion and support that we give to and feel from each other is with us every day, especially in our moments of need.
Thank you for our health and happiness and for so many blessings you have bestowed on this family. May Your blessings continue to shower each and all of us into the future.
And we give special thanks to Lisa and Manny for hosting us this night, as they have for so many years with such generosity and grace.
Amen.”
No matter what you do in life and work, understanding the sales process can give you insight and, in many cases, an advantage. Developing that special skill set, allowing you to both participate in and orchestrate a conversation, is worthwhile … and dicey.
So the other day I was reflecting on the hundreds of sales calls and meetings I have participated in; along with the trainings and gobs of tips and tricks crowbarred into my mind in order to make me more effective at bringing in revenue. I soaked it all up and cranked out great numbers. But was I a great salesperson? 
I then went on to hold an imaginary sales meeting. I’d like you to attend it with me.
We are sittling around a luxurious mahogany conference table; half of us are looking out through the floor to ceiling windows and the other half are trying to ignore the people walking through the halls. The “fishbowl” conference room idea is corporate’s way of keeping everyone thinking our peers are busier than we are.
I stand up to get everyone’s attention and ask, “what is the middle way in sales?” No one wants to answer me and most think it’s a trick question. I change direction and say, “OK, what are examples of the extremes in sales?”
We get into a hearty discussion about the “green” or new salesperson being all talk no listen, and missing opportunities to develop relationships and satisfy needs. Then, with a little prodding we touch on the “seasoned” salesperson who knows his or her list of clients like the back of their hand and might miss opportunities by not asking enough questions and learning about new activities and challenges the client faces. (the point here is just how well do you know the back of your hand anyway?)
It then becomes clear that the middle way is about staying fresh, not assuming we know what a client needs or how they will respond. The middle way is thinking about what ideas we have to offer AFTER we have listened, and not approaching a sales conversation with a budget-driven agenda.
The main thing that keeps us out of the middle way is pressure to do more than we can authentically and realistically accomplish. I know that when I was forced out of the office by a certain time, it was inevitable that I would show up to at least one of my meetings unprepared. THAT’S when it gets dicey. That’s when the promises spew forth and the overfull memory believes it will remember this one really important detail.
I won’t even get into the texting while driving!
But if there is one thing we all can do, sales and non salespeople alike, it is to stay in the middle way in all of our conversations. If we stay rooted in and clear about our needs and the needs of those we serve, we will be capable of compassionately responding to things that threaten to pull us into an extreme or dicey situation.
Happy selling the Middle Way!
The coaching process is very personal and, for the person curious about what it can offer, I share this reflection that I had recently about why coaching is important. If this helps satisfy your curiosity, I welcome a call to discuss potential next steps of working with you.
The offering:
Together we look deeply into life experiences—into the triggers that stir up emotions and to the process for maintaining peace and calm amidst the storms of chaos. We begin by reflecting on how and why it is good to look deeply.
• Where do I receive support and resonance with my efforts to see below the surface?
• Who helps me to explore the roots, the causes and conditions of dis-ease?
• In which relationships or areas of my life do I find obstacles to trudge through, over and over with each new situation?
The process of looking deeply fills us with a mixture of hope and dread. Hope for resolution, for progress, for growth, for mutual understanding and respect, for gentleness … for love and inner peace—which is strong and able to weather any storm. Sustained hope is the core of a strong community and a global family. The dread we feel is based on past experiences, painful memories of our hope and good intentions being shattered. Dread that our difficult circumstances may never improve. Sadly, it can seem as if each of these past experiences leaves a layer of fine yet heavy sediment inside us that doesn’t ever fully clear away with even the freshest warm breeze.
Know that looking deeply alone is like a tree sending its roots deep into the earth, strengthening its ability to stand tall under all shifts in its environment. But, even better, is the process of looking deeply together, with another, because this is like a grove of trees sending roots down deep, interconnecting emotionally and logically as needed.
As I shared in the November 12th post: To see and experience the interior castle, the infinite kingdom within, is the rich reward for struggling to find both meaning within each of our experiences and joy within each of our relationships–each moment of each day. The practice of mindful breathing, speaking, listening, eating, drinking, living, is the practice of learning how to see.
I invite you to explore your depths and reap the joyful rewards!
I have been looking forward to this day for 36 days (I’ll blame the time extension on the New England storm and power outage!) because I have wanted to post this particular picture:
There is irony in waiting to post a picture about “arriving” given the message reminding us to arrive with the breath each moment right within the body!
It took me 24 hours to feel like I had truly arrived at last month’s retreat with Thich Naht Hanh. When I did fully settle in and release all the mental energy I’d had, I felt “home” in both my body and the retreat space. The collective energy of 1,000 people attending to their breath, their thoughts and feelings, and the environment was pure joy that I hope everyone can experience. This collective conscious effort is what the world needs now.
This last mindfulness post is bittersweet. Sweet because I’m typically a once a week or so blogger and I look forward to getting back on that schedule; bitter because the added effort I have put into mindfulness over the past month has had a specific purpose and I, like all of us, need sufficient motivation in order to attend to the subtle essences of life–like the breath!
My practice has certainly deepened and I have formally announced my intent to be ordained in the Order of Interbeing. It simply feels like the next step in a succession of over 12 years of steps toward greater mindfulness. But what has also unfolded is a richer awareness of why I am a life and business coach; appreciation for what I have to offer that is unique, profound and important. For that, for the continued mindfulness practice, and for being part of the large community of us reflecting on what it means to be alive, I am grateful.
Here are the words to a song I learned many years ago. Contact me and I will be happy to sing it to you!
I have arrived, I am home
In the here and in the now (repeat)
I am solid, I am free (repeat)
In the ultimate I dwell (repeat)
The 27th post in this mindfulness series is about looking deeply and seeing the cosmos (or everything) inside ourselves. This is one of the most essential teachings of Thich Naht Hanh and warrants further exploration. Every time I have heard Thay (beloved teacher) talk about drinking tea, the 14th post in this series, he has discussed the science of interbeing in a way that is deeply profound and sweetly simple.
If we imagine the process of water-oceans, rivers, and seas-evaporating and lifting up into the sky with the help of the sun, we understand the formation of the clouds. Very simple, right? Now when we imagine the water in our bodies, or in our beverages, as the same cloud essence just in yet another form we begin to understand the nature of interbeing.
This is so simple to understand, yet so challenging to remember! Particularly when we take the concept of interbeing even further. To reflect on the fact that my DNA and your DNA are 99-point-something percent the same (and the DNA of a banana isn’t that far off either), we can either say, “wow, we are all in this together” like the 99% of us represented by the valiant, generous and dedicated people in the Occupy Wall Street movement, or we can say, “wow, that less than 1% is really powerful”. Personally, I like thinking about the 99% that we all share in common. It makes me feel happy.
The past couple of days have blessed me with opportunities to give and receive feedback on a very personal level with my sister and a few friends. I have also received suggestions from a spiritual teacher I met at the retreat where this 30-day mindfulness post idea was born.
Alongside this collaborative feedback process I have prepared for a presentation I am giving on Thursday. And the theme that ties all of this together is the phrase “I see you.” This phrase, the greeting of the Na’vi and Zulu peoples in Africa and featured in the movie Avatar, is how I would like to begin my presentation Thursday.
To have a heart-felt feedback exchange with someone, let alone many people, is so joyful. Even when–or perhaps especially when–we are triggered to be a bit defensive, as in “I have already thought of that” or “I’ve been doing that for years”, this type of genuine advice is a blessing.
One piece of advice I received was a practice by Thich Naht Hanh so naturally I would like to share it here as he has inspired this whole series! My teacher, who is just getting to know me, heard my “make it work” tenacity come through loud and clear so she advised me to adopt his practice of turning things over to spirit with the specific phrase, “Buddha! Take over!”
It works. In addition to feeling lighter and clearer about a big decision, I am again connected to that sweet energy of mindfulness that I re-membered at the retreat. I feel seen.
Try it out!
With this mindfulness practice unfolding I have made an important breakthrough. The 30-day “time” frame (of posting inspired insights) has been an important container, which I am compassionately experiencing as flexible enough to hold consecutive experiences yet not limited by my perception of 24-hour time. With this understanding of time “containment” also comes a metaphorical awareness of the span of my lifetime.
In this post I am exploring the phrase I’ve heard Thich Naht Hanh share, “by looking deeply we see the cosmos”. This phrase came back to me because of two triggers—a Jungian lecture I attended last night, and my subsequent dream. The lecture was about the process of integrating the soul with one’s ego, or developed character, through deepening the relationship with—listening to—the body. In this lecture, Teresa of Avila’s Interior Castle was referenced, along with various spiritual practices of looking deeply such as Sufi dancing, Haitian voodoo, and contemplative movement. The reference to Teresa’s Interior Castle helped me instantly see the connection within the dream I had early this morning.
Do you ever dream that the people with you are simply versions of you? Aware that the characters (or enchanters?) at your side are your own person-i-fications, you become more motivated to pay attention!
In my dream I emerge from a lower level of this mossy, sprawling stone estate (through a hatchway of sorts) into an expansive, sunny interior courtyard. With my thin, vibrant, white/blond haired lady of the house “self”, I cross a short distance to a small cornflower blue painted wooden porch. I am impressed with her estate, yet the only thing she finds true joy from is the window she built that opens onto the porch from the dark dining room we have walked into.
I have many analytical interpretations of this, along with the other “me” characters in the dream (including Johnny Depp), but the point of sharing this dream is that the process of looking deeply does in fact reveal the entire cosmos. The woman’s one small window, which looks into the inner courtyard, is what each of us is building with our mindfulness practices!
To see the interior castle, the infinite kingdom within, is the rich reward for struggling to find both meaning within each of our experiences and joy within each of our relationships, each moment of each day. The practice of mindful breathing, speaking, listening, eating, drinking, living, is the practice of learning how to see.
Getting all the way to day 26 of this post-retreat 30-day mindfulness practice has been much more challenging than I had expected. Not only did I not simply write 30 different inspiring quotes from Thich Naht Hanh all at once and schedule them to post each day through Hoot Suite (I vow to get this going soon!), we had an unprecedented snowstorm and power outage to contend with—helping me let go of my “definition” of 30 days (not exactly consecutive), I have struggled with an increased sensitivity to others’ unmindful speech, which I swear has piqued to give me lots of fodder for my practice, and I have found it challenging to authentically come up with each day’s post. It has taken me anywhere from 20 minutes to the more common two hours each day to write and post on my website, on Facebook, in various LinkedIn groups, and on my newest social media Twitter.
Another aspect of the practice that has challenged me is the foundation of the practice, breathing. No, I haven’t struggled with asthma or pneumonia, I’ve found myself wanting this practice, and my daily posts, to be about something more exciting than the breath. Mindfulness always comes back to the breath. There, said it, done. Now what?
Truth is, remembering the breath—and what an amazing gift that is—is quite difficult all day long, let alone randomly throughout the day. Then, factor in various stresses, not the least of which for me has been eating sweets and suffering the resulting hot flashes and extremely impaired circulation at night, and you have a recipe for mind-less-ness.
All decisions we make can seem mindful. It seemed perfectly appropriate that I should overdo the milkshakes with delicious super premium ice cream and not-so-frozen strawberries given that our refrigerator freezer just died. But if I were mindful of my very obvious reactions (I learned that milk solids a la evaporated or condensed milk from other sweets is the crème de la crème offender) I would have simply accepted the financial hit and passed on the other leftovers.
And this understanding leads me to perhaps my most important post in this series of 30: the five mindfulness trainings. About 10 years ago I attended a retreat with Thich Naht Hanh (or Thay, beloved teacher) at UMass. It was my first experience of silence over an extended period of time each day and I was completely swept away by the calmness settling into my body and mind, the heightened awareness of my surroundings, and the process of practice in Thay’s Order of Interbeing tradition. At this retreat I vowed to practice five mindfulness trainings, which seemed rather daunting at the time, and I received the dharma name: Grateful Smile of the Heart.
The Five Mindfulness Trainings I received have been revised. There are two versions: the original and the current. Briefly, they are summarized as follows:
First: Reverence for Life – not engaging in any act of killing in one’s thinking or in one’s way of life
Second: True Happiness – practicing generosity and social justice with specific emphasis on vocation
Third: True Love – cultivating sexual responsibility
Fourth: Loving Speech – listening deeply to inspire confidence, joy and hope
Fifth: Nourishment and Healing – mindful eating, drinking and consuming to transform fear, anger and confusion
Each month I read these with my Wednesday morning meditation group, like I did this morning. Reading them together in a group and then talking about what “jumped out” or inspired us, is what has helped them become rooted in my daily life. I can always see room for improvement yet I can also see progress, which keeps me going and motivated. I am now preparing to take the 14 mindfulness trainings because I am again ready to deepen my practice.
Please feel free to post here any comments you have about your practice. It takes a village!
Sincerely yours,
Grateful Smile of the Heart
True love holds no grudges. When i hold a grudge i cut myself off from true love with you. ~Thich Naht Hanh
