Everyone needs to write their money story. The economy and the factors around using money are so volatile that we all need to be deeply grounded in our beliefs about money. So here is my latest reflection:

Since my first sincere reflection about money in my life, when I had a financial identity crisis in 1995, I have believed that not having money would make it easier to stay connected to spirit. In my Running to Heal story published in Fearless Voices: True Stories by Courageous Women, I offer the many threads of my life leading up to and beyond this money identity crisis but didn’t speak to it. In part because I had 2,000 words and had already covered so much; and in part because I hadn’t quite processed my new money story emerging.

Putting a spiritual lens on the loss of my lucrative career, a loss I personally needed to experience in order to attentively raise my children, seemed the only sanity saving option. And honestly, this choice was made for me. I had had a series of oversights at work so when I chose to leave my well-paying job, my boss was slightly more relieved than upset.

I had a gut instinct that I could get a less intense job in marketing at The Bank of Western Mass and raise my kids at the same time. I was heartbroken when I didn’t even get an interview. So I redefined “career” and started a marketing agency part time.

When my mother passed away I couldn’t sustain the energy of working for myself so I accepted an oddly-timed (within days of praying for something to take me away) offer in banking. My kids were a bit older, my husband had some job flexibility, and I assumed banking was stress free, bordering on boring. Did you notice that my money-based identity crisis was followed by a career in banking? I didn’t. I did know that I felt quite ignorant about all things economic so I was grateful for the opportunity to test some theories. And, a few years later I did end up with an enjoyable job with The Bank of Western Massachusetts!

After the financial crisis of 2008 I left banking and spent a couple of years in energy efficiency and renewable energy markets. These industries only reinforced my “less money equals more spirit” paradigm. What I saw in banking was Paranoia about loss of funds. What I saw in the energy field was “Pronoia” whereby setting good intentions manifests great things. Banking was individualistic; Energy (my realm anyway) was about community building.

There is much more to this story and I imagine it will keep unfolding over time. I am currently digging into various economic shifts and new paradigms about value. Many people I talk with day to day share similar concerns about sustaining their commitment to valuing time and purpose over finances, yet finances are still instrumental. The question is: How much do we truly need?

When the new financial crisis hits, we who have asked this question and truly accepted the answer will be ready.

The courage to see oneself in others who appear very different builds slowly over time. As a light-skinned, verbally intentional, mentally motivated, complex woman who has loved and lived with a dark-skinned, verbally impulsive, physically motivated, simple man for 25 years, I have had much time and opportunity to practice courage. I have found that every small measure of success I achieve with the sometimes seemingly unbearable differences in my primary relationship offers tenfold return in other relationships.

Success in seeing myself in my husband has not come by entirely shedding my skin and trying his on for size. It was logical for me to attempt this. His outlook of caring about and tending to our immediate family above all things, his hedonistic culinary tastes and sarcastic humor all appealed to me. But it wasn’t me. Just like my outlook of caring about how every purchase we make impacts people all over the world and my sensitivity to chemicals and conflicts isn’t him.

It is important to remain “in one’s skin” while exploring unity with All That Is. After all, unlike snakes that must shed their skin in order to continue growing, our skin expands as we grow throughout our lives.

I have been egregiously tempted to shed my skin beyond the comforts of my marriage and I was almost unable to recover. Why have we all heard (and/or lived) stories of people leaving the corporate world to save their souls? Because there may not be a more challenging environment in which to remain true to one’s most authentic voice. Our performance and compensation is entirely based on profitability. And while the pathways to profitability can often feel like a spiritual journey of collegiality and self-improvement, the overarching unity with All That Is, in this environment, is decidedly absent. Fortunately there are many courageous individuals bridging gaps and continuously attending to their spiritual practices.

It isn’t easy, or particularly appealing, to bear the suffering of others impacted by our comforts (such as disproportionate usage of fossil fuels in air conditioning or imported foods and fashions). And it is no simple task to take full responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds. So we begin with the awareness that we are all in this together, none of us shouldering more than we can bear. Then as we continue to fill up with inspiration—particularly through the solar plexus—we are led to support, and take, yet another small action towards unity with All That Is.

Here’s what I came up with: There is the type of responsibility that comes with duty and can often be laden with guilt and there is the type of responsibility that comes with attentiveness to the moment. It is easier to understand the second type in terms of response-ability.

Traditional responsibilities like getting to work on time, being a safe driver, doing tasks you have agreed to perform have a comfortable clarity about them. They’re kind of black and white. But responsibilities that you take on without really knowing the full extent of what is involved, like taking care of others and working together in groups, are uncomfortable to the extent that communications are unclear.

But how do you know what you don’t know?

What convolutes clarity in communication between people sharing responsibility, and response-ability is choice. Choosing to respect structure over flow leads to the more left-brain responsibility; choosing to respect flow over structure leads to the more right-brain response-ability. Seeking a balance between the two requires thoughtful, heartfelt conversation about structure and flow.

As we see a global shift toward greater respect for Response-Ability we also feel the tensions familiar to Responsibility.

More flow = less structure
Less structure = more choice
More choice = less conformity
Less conformity = more voice
More voice = less concentration of power…

While the conflict of who gets up to shovel snow or make the kids’ lunches is minor and easily managed compared to the conflicts that arise when elected leaders make decisions effecting millions of people, all conflict comes down to voice. And if chaos results with many voices, then the undertaking may require a more decentralized approach to achieving objectives.

This is a huge topic. There are many great resources. The first step however is to look within and reflect on our understanding of power and our own Responsibility and Response Ability.

I can help! Send me a note (below) and we’ll talk…

Truth is, the healing process in reflecting upon and reframing our vision of “the good life” can be depressing. It’s hard to realize that what was once a core belief–the engine fueling our motivation and work in the world–is no longer central but perhaps the antithesis of what we want to manifest.

I’ve experienced a few identity crises over the years related to money. My first real job out of college (I don’t count the MLM personal goal setting program stint, though I did learn a LOT) earned me a very fine income. But when I chose to reduce my hours to have children I had to come to the painful realization that I am not my salary.

A big reason why I took 21 credits a semester as an undergrad and then quickly got a masters degree was because I knew deep in my bones that success meant a big salary. When this belief eroded like a shoreline after a tsunami, I had to look inward and into the beautiful faces of my children to redefine success.

“The most piercing pain we experience is when we lose that in which we wholeheartedly believed.”

I just read this quotation as my eyes glanced over at my Inner Fortune right brain business plan, designed on a double sided eight-paneled accordion card stock. A business plan collage is another of my steps toward reframing beliefs. As a former banker, business plans are all about intelligently projecting future revenues and profits. As a business coach who incorporates a full spectrum of personal dreams and aspirations, I understand there is so much more to planning than profits.

But numbers are so nice and unemotional, right?!

Even though numbers have meaning that is universal, true meaning is found in that which is experienced in relationship. Meaning is a conversation–with another or in one’s own mind. And how do you calculate the return on that investment?

An incredible amount of work seeking to define the qualitative and economically unaccounted for aspects of life development such as raising children and keeping a home in order was done by the late Julie Graham. For an inspiring education visit: www.communityeconomies.org

While Julie’s work provides very concrete modeling to follow, the piece that can be most challenging is the emotional transformation needed to sustain the pursuit of such models. This is where the type of personal and executive coaching I provide can help.

Leaving this gathering I knew that supporting the connection to self is the single most important thing I can do in the world, and whatever I write–if it supports that connection–will be worthy.

How then, do we know what words, in our over- and hyper-communicated world, are actually worth reading? Isn’t this the question we ask ourselves each time we go on line to “surf” and research and connect with friends and and promote our businesses “explore” the world wide web?

The number of self-published books has exploded over the past couple of years; from 21,936 in 2006 to 764,448 in 2009 (compared to a flat-trending 288,355 traditionally published books in the US). The number of blogs (some posting daily) was 152 Million in 2010… But what is actually getting read? Are we all just a bunch of naked people in trench coats looking for good opportunities to flash each other? And it seems we are getting less and less picky about who we flash to!

On the other hand, maybe we are all evolving so beautifully that we are simply improving our connection to the universal energy field that Lynn McTaggart has spent decades investigating and journaling about, and subsequently write in order to “hold on” to that connection. This connection is true love and feels so good! Yet it still eludes us due to our habit of absorbing negativity (which takes less effort) versus intentionally attuning our energy to positive thought, feeling, visualization and physical embodiment.

I feel negativity seep in when my Inner Saboteur gets overwhelmed by the cacophony of content online. I ask myself, “how much of what is tweeted about is actually new content?” In my quest to compare the seemingly exponential factor between recirculated (and regurgitated) content and actual new content I relaxed, took a deep breath, and realized:

“Karen, this frenetic pace of communication reflects our heightened awareness of interconnection. When we stay ‘in the body’ we are able to separate the wheat from the chaff [or the worthy from the crap!]. Don’t worry about the cacophony online, just continue the inward journey so that you can create and share the resonant material and leave the rest. As we all do this, the buzz will eventually return to a harmonious hum.”

Based on energy felt in the Women & Spirit in Business gatherings and the ongoing inspirations I receive from my energy coach at [popup url="http://www.healmyvoice.org" ]Heal My Voice[/popup], I suggest we all take just a few moments to reKindle (pun intended) our connection to the body through the breath–and closed eyes make this much easier–as we set about the important work of writing and “exploring” the profligate words on the world wide web.

Wisdom and spirit of the Universe!
Thou soul is the eternity of thought!
That giv’st to forms and images a breath
And everlasting motion! Not in vain
By day or star-light thus from by first dawn
Of childhood didst thou intertwine for me
The passions that build up our human soul,
Not with the mean and vulgar works of man,
But with high objects, with enduring things,
With life and nature, purifying thus
The elements of feeling and of thought,
And sanctifying, by such discipline
Both pain and fear, until we recognize
A grandeur in the beatings of the heart.
~ William Wordsworth

I had the urge to say grace but repressed the urge.

Realizing that it is never too late to say grace and to give thanks, I would like to share what has come to my heart. What I would have liked to have said yesterday with my husband’s family.

The first image that came to mind was Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) of the movie Talladega Nights speaking to Baby Jesus before a meal of takeout fast food.

“Lord Jesus, Mother Mary, and all the angels and saints in heaven and gathered here among us at this table, thank you for this moment. For this opportunity to come together around this table as a large, happy and growing family to celebrate our Lord’s birth and the love and light you have brought into our lives.

Thank you for the delicious food which we are so blessed to be enjoying tonight, for the many talented hands that have brought it to our table. Thank you for the love that we share, for the rich heritage and the many memories we have shared together for years of Christmas Eve’s, and for the knowledge that this love, this hope and faith and compassion and support that we give to and feel from each other is with us every day, especially in our moments of need.

Thank you for our health and happiness and for so many blessings you have bestowed on this family. May Your blessings continue to shower each and all of us into the future.

And we give special thanks to Lisa and Manny for hosting us this night, as they have for so many years with such generosity and grace.

Amen.”

So the other day I was reflecting on the hundreds of sales calls and meetings I have participated in; along with the trainings and gobs of tips and tricks crowbarred into my mind in order to make me more effective at bringing in revenue. I soaked it all up and cranked out great numbers. But was I a great salesperson?

I then went on to hold an imaginary sales meeting. I’d like you to attend it with me.

We are sittling around a luxurious mahogany conference table; half of us are looking out through the floor to ceiling windows and the other half are trying to ignore the people walking through the halls. The “fishbowl” conference room idea is corporate’s way of keeping everyone thinking our peers are busier than we are.

I stand up to get everyone’s attention and ask, “what is the middle way in sales?” No one wants to answer me and most think it’s a trick question. I change direction and say, “OK, what are examples of the extremes in sales?”
We get into a hearty discussion about the “green” or new salesperson being all talk no listen, and missing opportunities to develop relationships and satisfy needs. Then, with a little prodding we touch on the “seasoned” salesperson who knows his or her list of clients like the back of their hand and might miss opportunities by not asking enough questions and learning about new activities and challenges the client faces. (the point here is just how well do you know the back of your hand anyway?)

It then becomes clear that the middle way is about staying fresh, not assuming we know what a client needs or how they will respond. The middle way is thinking about what ideas we have to offer AFTER we have listened, and not approaching a sales conversation with a budget-driven agenda.

The main thing that keeps us out of the middle way is pressure to do more than we can authentically and realistically accomplish. I know that when I was forced out of the office by a certain time, it was inevitable that I would show up to at least one of my meetings unprepared. THAT’S when it gets dicey. That’s when the promises spew forth and the overfull memory believes it will remember this one really important detail.

I won’t even get into the texting while driving!

But if there is one thing we all can do, sales and non salespeople alike, it is to stay in the middle way in all of our conversations. If we stay rooted in and clear about our needs and the needs of those we serve, we will be capable of compassionately responding to things that threaten to pull us into an extreme or dicey situation.

Check out the Inner Fortune career coaching program, send me a message with your thoughts or concerns about sales, and I’ll do my best to support your efforts in selling the Middle Way!

The offering:

Together we look deeply into life experiences—into the triggers that stir up emotions and to the process for maintaining peace and calm amidst the storms of chaos. We begin by reflecting on how and why it is good to look deeply.

• Where do I receive support and resonance with my efforts to see below the surface?
• Who helps me to explore the roots, the causes and conditions of dis-ease?
• In which relationships or areas of my life do I find obstacles to trudge through, over and over with each new situation?

The process of looking deeply fills us with a mixture of hope and dread. Hope for resolution, for progress, for growth, for mutual understanding and respect, for gentleness … for love and inner peace—which is strong and able to weather any storm. Sustained hope is the core of a strong community and a global family. The dread we feel is based on past experiences, painful memories of our hope and good intentions being shattered. Dread that our difficult circumstances may never improve. Sadly, it can seem as if each of these past experiences leaves a layer of fine yet heavy sediment inside us that doesn’t ever fully clear away with even the freshest warm breeze.

Know that looking deeply alone is like a tree sending its roots deep into the earth, strengthening its ability to stand tall under all shifts in its environment. But, even better, is the process of looking deeply together, with another, because this is like a grove of trees sending roots down deep, interconnecting emotionally and logically as needed.

As I shared in the Mindfulness Day 27 post: To see and experience the interior castle, the infinite kingdom within, is the rich reward for struggling to find both meaning within each of our experiences and joy within each of our relationships–each moment of each day. The practice of mindful breathing, speaking, listening, eating, drinking, living, is the practice of learning how to see.

I invite you to contact me so that I might support your exploration and the joyful rewards that follow!

There is irony in waiting to post a picture about “arriving” given the message reminding us to arrive with the breath each moment right within the body!

It took me 24 hours to feel like I had truly arrived at last month’s retreat with Thich Naht Hanh. When I did fully settle in and release all the mental energy I’d had, I felt “home” in both my body and the retreat space. The collective energy of 1,000 people attending to their breath, their thoughts and feelings, and the environment was pure joy that I hope everyone can experience. This collective conscious effort is what the world needs now.

This last mindfulness post is bittersweet. Sweet because I’m typically a once a week or so blogger and I look forward to getting back on that schedule; bitter because the added effort I have put into mindfulness over the past month has had a specific purpose and I, like all of us, need sufficient motivation in order to attend to the subtle essences of life–like the breath!

My practice has certainly deepened and I have formally announced my intent to be ordained in the Order of Interbeing. It simply feels like the next step in a succession of over 12 years of steps toward greater mindfulness. But what has also unfolded is a richer awareness of why I am a life and business coach; appreciation for what I have to offer that is unique, profound and important. For that, for the continued mindfulness practice, and for being part of the large community of us reflecting on what it means to be alive, I am grateful.

Here are the words to a song I learned many years ago. Contact me and I will be happy to sing it to you!

I have arrived, I am home
In the here and in the now (repeat)
I am solid, I am free (repeat)
In the ultimate I dwell (repeat)