To Be or Not To Be ... agreeable

Being agreeable may not seem like a big issue to most.I’m angry and I’m sick to death of being agreeable, i.e. behaving in a socially acceptable way. My whole life has been about being socially acceptable which may be why I rip apart so many “big picture” issues in society. Be responsible Karen, be pleasant Karen, don’t say anything to irritate or offend, Karen. And it wasn’t my mother telling me all this, it was me. I’m sure my mother was exactly the same, but she’s been gone for a half dozen years and my memory has always been strong with emotional memories and weak with specifics. And believe me, this is quite a handicap (at least it will remain so until I’ve figured out a way to turn it into an asset). AARRRGGHH. I’m sick to death of being efficient with everything in life. I love the fact that I don’t waste anything because it makes me feel like I’m doing a good job minimizing my impact on the earth—you know our “social footprint” we make, like a trail of breadcrumbs or something. I like to believe that my footprint is smaller than most, but who the heck knows. My real footprint is a very average size 8. I digress… But truthfully, as I sit here writing I’m having a very hard time with my anger that’s surfaced. It’s not socially acceptable. I don’t know how to be angry and logical simultaneously. I have found that anger or any major emotion that I experience comes out like a spray, not a stream. I get emotional and digress all over the place. This certainly seems to be a common trait of women, but there has to be some goodness in it. Women can follow the many directions of the spray, can’t we? We certainly understand the flow of communication both logically and experientially regardless of the topic. And, so what if we don’t actually get back to the original topic; whatever it was was just a launch pad for the really juicy stuff that came out. Could it be that men stop listening if they can’t connect to the original topic? Could it be as simple as stating: “what I’m about to say will most likely veer off course and may in fact never reach what you might find to be a logical destination, but bear with me and try to keep up with my twists and turns along the way”. It’s the experience, not the route. I’m jealous of people who are completely comfortable just saying whatever the heck comes into their minds. I see it with my son. He could care less who is around; when he has something to say, he’s going to say it. And if no one is listening, he’s just going to get louder until someone pays attention. It may not be the best attention by the time someone is listening to him, but by golly it sure is effective.